Five Problems With Paw Patrol
Part of a being a parent these days involves watching terrible children shows with little to no substance. I'm sure my parents had to endure similar hardships, but I don't understand why I have to. We have the internet which has given us youtube, Netflix, and Hulu. I've tried to put forth standards of better entertainment in my home, but my beautiful wife insists that Addie loves other shows more. She'll bring the children into the living room in the morning where I'm trying to do some work (with great aplomb I might add) and turn on one of these shows. Usually she'll turn on Paw Patrol, leaving me stuck watching a show riddled with problems. Now, you might ask why I don't just stand up and change the channel. Because it's the morning and I'm tired. That's why. Now I have all this useless knowledge about talking dogs. Here are just a few of my problems with Paw Patrol.
1. Why do only the dogs talk?
So this is a show about dogs that "save the day" using specially designed technology for dogs (I'll get to that later). I get that in the universe of Paw Patrol it makes sense for the dogs to talk given their demanding roles in society (saving the day and such). But why do only the dogs talk? Most episodes have other animals in them and they can't talk at all. Even if the other animals aren't rescuing people it doesn't make sense that they don't have the same general abilities. I could get on board with anthropomorphism if it weren't so arbitrarily used. For example, these dogs can talk but the rival town's team of cats can't talk? (Why is it that their leader Mayor Hundinger dresses like a magician?)
Now this may seem picky, but there's a reason why this bothers me. It leads me to the conclusion that there is some special reason that only dogs can talk. It can't just be because they're the main characters (which is of course the actual reason) because as someone who studies biology I understand that the dogs would have to evolve in some unique capacity that enables them to fulfill this capacity. However, there's nothing about their physiology that I can see that makes it clear why they evolved in such a way. Why would dogs evolve in such a way that enables them to use machinery if they didn't first develop the ability to create and acquire this machinery. There are other obvious reasons it can't be a simple pattern of evolution (beyond it being just the dogs that talk and the awkward evolutionary requirements).
This leads me to the conclusion that Paw Patrol takes place in some alternate reality in which a scientific expirement of sorts resulted in talking dogs. This sounds like the work of an evil mastermind, not someone like Ryder. So it's clear that Paw Patrol intersects with the world of Phineas and Ferb where Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz created the "dog-speak-inator" for some unexplained reason. This also leads me to believe that Adventure bay is within the tristate area surrounding Danville.
2. What the heck happened to all of the adults?
Why are kids running this town? I occasionally see adults meandering about in episodes, but that's it. There's the incompetent mayor, the one scientist dude, and occasionally people that need the Paw Patrol's help. That's pretty much all the adult involvement this town sees. Where are the actually firemen, construction workers, and police force. Maybe Adventure Bay would be safer if there was more adult supervision. I saw one episode where a little kid led a bunch of dancing hippos down the street. We could ask why those hippos weren't more secure (Why weren't they in cages?! A kid could get hurt!), but as a parent I want to know where that kids parents were. I would never let Addie go play with a herd of dancing hippos, but I guess that goes without saying. Here's what it boils down to: what's wrong with the government in Adventure Bay that Child Protective Services hasn't come in and put those kids in safer homes away from hippos?
3. Where does Ryder get the funding?
On the topic of Adventure Bays bizarre infrastructure, where is Ryder getting all the money for this? I'm going to go ahead and ignore the fact that Ryder is a kid running a multimillion dollar organization and ask how this is all being paid for. Have you seen the TV they do their briefings on? It takes up the entire wall! It's not just the TV. The briefing room looks like the main deck of the Enterprise with all of its control panels and gadgets. (Despite all the sophisticated technology in that room someone decided to put a slide in the middle of the floor. Get an elevator!) It has to cost a fortune to create all this bizarre equipment that's specialized for dogs. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just by a firetruck and get a fireman than create a dog firetruck and a dog backpack-firehose with voice command? Either Ryder is independently wealthy or the local government has decided to spend a ton of money on a super team of dogs. If you ask me (I know you're not, but I'm going to go ahead and tell you anyway), the real travesty here is that these dogs are taking valuable jobs away from hard working Americans. Mayor Goodway probably has some diabolical political agenda to destroy the middle class and blue collar workers.
4. Chickaletta..why?
5. Jake is the dumbest human being alive.
I wish the Paw Patrol left him on that icy mountain where he found Everest (take that you stinkin' Jake-sicle). That's not to say I don't like Everest. She is an adorable addition to the Paw Patrol. But I'm pretty sure that every time I hear Jake talk an angel loses its wings, global warming gets worse, and poverty increases. I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking. Jake is definitely stoned...all the time. I'm a little worried that Addie is going to think that the way he talks is normal. I hope that at some point they find a way to write Jake out of the series completely. (I'm thinking a terrible accident befalls him while he's on the slopes.)
Now if you don't mind I have to go watch some more Paw Patrol *sigh*
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| My girls getting ready for some Paw Patrol in the morning |
1. Why do only the dogs talk?
So this is a show about dogs that "save the day" using specially designed technology for dogs (I'll get to that later). I get that in the universe of Paw Patrol it makes sense for the dogs to talk given their demanding roles in society (saving the day and such). But why do only the dogs talk? Most episodes have other animals in them and they can't talk at all. Even if the other animals aren't rescuing people it doesn't make sense that they don't have the same general abilities. I could get on board with anthropomorphism if it weren't so arbitrarily used. For example, these dogs can talk but the rival town's team of cats can't talk? (Why is it that their leader Mayor Hundinger dresses like a magician?)
Now this may seem picky, but there's a reason why this bothers me. It leads me to the conclusion that there is some special reason that only dogs can talk. It can't just be because they're the main characters (which is of course the actual reason) because as someone who studies biology I understand that the dogs would have to evolve in some unique capacity that enables them to fulfill this capacity. However, there's nothing about their physiology that I can see that makes it clear why they evolved in such a way. Why would dogs evolve in such a way that enables them to use machinery if they didn't first develop the ability to create and acquire this machinery. There are other obvious reasons it can't be a simple pattern of evolution (beyond it being just the dogs that talk and the awkward evolutionary requirements).
This leads me to the conclusion that Paw Patrol takes place in some alternate reality in which a scientific expirement of sorts resulted in talking dogs. This sounds like the work of an evil mastermind, not someone like Ryder. So it's clear that Paw Patrol intersects with the world of Phineas and Ferb where Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz created the "dog-speak-inator" for some unexplained reason. This also leads me to believe that Adventure bay is within the tristate area surrounding Danville.
2. What the heck happened to all of the adults?
Why are kids running this town? I occasionally see adults meandering about in episodes, but that's it. There's the incompetent mayor, the one scientist dude, and occasionally people that need the Paw Patrol's help. That's pretty much all the adult involvement this town sees. Where are the actually firemen, construction workers, and police force. Maybe Adventure Bay would be safer if there was more adult supervision. I saw one episode where a little kid led a bunch of dancing hippos down the street. We could ask why those hippos weren't more secure (Why weren't they in cages?! A kid could get hurt!), but as a parent I want to know where that kids parents were. I would never let Addie go play with a herd of dancing hippos, but I guess that goes without saying. Here's what it boils down to: what's wrong with the government in Adventure Bay that Child Protective Services hasn't come in and put those kids in safer homes away from hippos?
3. Where does Ryder get the funding?
On the topic of Adventure Bays bizarre infrastructure, where is Ryder getting all the money for this? I'm going to go ahead and ignore the fact that Ryder is a kid running a multimillion dollar organization and ask how this is all being paid for. Have you seen the TV they do their briefings on? It takes up the entire wall! It's not just the TV. The briefing room looks like the main deck of the Enterprise with all of its control panels and gadgets. (Despite all the sophisticated technology in that room someone decided to put a slide in the middle of the floor. Get an elevator!) It has to cost a fortune to create all this bizarre equipment that's specialized for dogs. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just by a firetruck and get a fireman than create a dog firetruck and a dog backpack-firehose with voice command? Either Ryder is independently wealthy or the local government has decided to spend a ton of money on a super team of dogs. If you ask me (I know you're not, but I'm going to go ahead and tell you anyway), the real travesty here is that these dogs are taking valuable jobs away from hard working Americans. Mayor Goodway probably has some diabolical political agenda to destroy the middle class and blue collar workers.
4. Chickaletta..why?
If Mayor Goodway does have a diabolical plan then Chickaletta must be part of it because every time that bird is in an episode something goes terribly awry. Apparently Chickaletta is the Deputy Mayor of Adventure bay, which means that this government is run almost entirely by children and animals. It's fairly obvious that Chickaletta is incompetent (can't even talk like the Paw Patrol can), so Mayor Goodway probably awarded the title of Deputy Mayor to Chickaletta so they she could receive Chickaletta's wages. That's right! Chickaletta is just another cog that's a part of Mayor Goodway's corrrupt machinations to destroy Adventure Bay!...or something like that...
I wish the Paw Patrol left him on that icy mountain where he found Everest (take that you stinkin' Jake-sicle). That's not to say I don't like Everest. She is an adorable addition to the Paw Patrol. But I'm pretty sure that every time I hear Jake talk an angel loses its wings, global warming gets worse, and poverty increases. I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking. Jake is definitely stoned...all the time. I'm a little worried that Addie is going to think that the way he talks is normal. I hope that at some point they find a way to write Jake out of the series completely. (I'm thinking a terrible accident befalls him while he's on the slopes.)
Now if you don't mind I have to go watch some more Paw Patrol *sigh*
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